Ping Pong and Pad Thai

As any good holiday does, our trip began with an early start to catch our plane. This was made even earlier thanks to Charlotte's insistence that she shower and wash her hair first; the faffing began at an early stage. Despite having had airline difficulties before the trip, the journey was fairly smooth with a quick stop off in Dubai along the way. Pete decided it would be a good idea to invite anyone visiting the toilet to join the mile high club at seat 43D - my seat. Fortunately, nobody came, in either sense of the word. 

We arrived in Bangkok exhausted and hungry baht excited. Pete was still complaining about the sandwiches we received for breakfast on the plane - 'the most horrendous and minging sandwiches I've ever had in my whole life' - so we were anxious to get to the hostel and settle in. Flummoxed by how to get there, we got in a 'tuk tuk' and ambitiously decided that we'd fit in, buried in our luggage. For those of you who don't know, a tuk tuk (pronounced 'took took') is an open-sided, small motorised vehicle capable of surprising speed - a 'death ride' in Charlotte's words. 

Our hostel (NapPark if you're wondering) was very good and had everything we needed. Satisfied with our choice, we had what would be our first of many Pad Thais, this time from a street vendor. We made our way to the Grand Palace and the temple next to it for some culture which wasn't too taxing for our thaired selves. The temple was impressive but it was stiflingly hot, especially for me and Pete who had to borrow trackies to adhere to the Buddhist dress code. 

 Planning a fairly quiet first night, we had a lovely dinner near our hostel before making our way to a couple of bars. We found out that Bangkok and quiet aren't a match made in heaven; we ended up, several bars later and having picked up an American friend along the way (Chip), searching for Pete, who thought he was in Singapore. It was pouring with rain and we finally found him dancing in a puddle in the street with some people we'd never met. Our miniature 'hangover' style problem had been resolved. 

Day 2 of Bangkok began with a massive lie in. We'd done the main sight (palace/temple) the day before and the only other thing we really wanted to see was Chinatown and its famous street markets. We underestimated the walk somewhat, it taking about an hour and a half. When we arrived it wasn't really what we were expecting - everything was completely different to anything any of us had seen before. The smells, the unidentifiable food, everything was different. It was great to see though and was worth the walk.

We taxi'd back to the hostel and chilled again before heading to a restaurant which was renowned for its authentic Pad Thai, cooked on the street then brought to some basic tables inside (Thip Samai). It was delicious and Pete's 'double dinner' tradition started here. Thai portions aren't as big as English ones, and given the cheap prices (40 baht for a main - 80p) double dinner was definitely an option. 

Next on our menu was a visit to Patpong, known as Bangkok's Red Light District. We'd heard there was a cheap market there and we bought some replica shirts and boxers to make the most of it. But we had mainly gone for something else - Bangkok's notorious Ping Pong shows. We felt such an activity was near impossible sober, so headed to the only bar without dancing girls for a few beers first. We befriended the enthusiastic waitress Pooky (who has, by the way, already added me and Pete on Facebook, but suspiciously not Charlotte) before accepting a salesman's invitation to one of the dozens of ping pong shows in the area. 

We followed the man, who had promised us 100 baht beer and no other charges, up some dodgy stairs. What we saw next was so, so funny. A woman laid down on the stage, which was in the middle of the room in a circle of benches with tables. She was butt naked. She lubed up some table tennis balls and fired them from her who-ha in our direction. Pete was handed a table tennis bat and was told to hit the balls as they were fired at him. He hit one of about ten, a poor ratio if you ask me. I think he was a bit distracted. Nevertheless we were in stitches. The girl then put a horn in there and started...erm...blowing(?!) on it. It was hilarious. 

100 baht - £2 - for all this? No way. An aggressive, large woman (though Pete swears it was a man) came to our table and placed a laminated bill on our table. It read:

Drinks - 900
Ping pong show - 1,000 
Dancing girl - 2,000
Total - 3,900 baht. 

3,900 baht = £80. There was no way we were paying that. That's a yearly wage in Thailand. It would last us a week. It was extremely awkward but we ran from the club having thrown just 300 baht on the table - the price we thought we'd have to pay for the beers. It was a lucky escape.

We returned to Khao San, Bangkok's closest thing to the Malia/Zante strip, for a 'tower' of beer. A tower of beer is about nine pints and is basically a tall thin tube of beer with a tap at the bottom which you serve yourself from. We then headed to the unoriginally named 'The Club' for a quick dance (free entry) and returned to the hostel.