Full moons, big tunes and bye-bye blues

Despite feeling slightly out of my depth, I had survived my first diving experience on Koh Tao. We'd done what we'd come for, and our next port of call offered a completely different experience. Koh Phangan is famous for nothing other than its Full Moon Party, and since being featured on 'The Beach' the party has become a rite of passage for any traveller who sets foot in Thailand. 

Our boat (or Songserm to be more precise) from Koh Tao was packed and not air conditioned, so we were thankful that it would take only an hour and a half to get to Phangan. When we arrived, we took what was possibly the most pointless taxi ride to our hostel and made our way to the beach. Like in Tao, we had bagged ourselves a beachfront bungalow, which was absolutely perfect (Phangan Bungalows). Despite the lack of air con and the infestation of ants in the bathroom, being ten metres from the sea and having an unimpeded view of the sunset from our porch meant that we were more than happy with our accommodation. 

One slight problem was that we were kind of in the middle of nowhere, with the nearest 7/11 (which had, by this stage, become our safe haven in every place we'd been) a whole fifteen minute walk away. Our best hope of a good lunch was with the couple of hotels which neighboured ours on the beach, and we hit the jackpot when we found one (Beck's) which had a free ping pong table and offered a wide selection of Western food. This occupied us for the afternoon before we prepared ourselves for the warm up to the Full Moon Party, the Jungle Experience. 

The Jungle Experience takes place, you guessed it, in a jungle. An area has been cleared and filled with a few bars in the form of shacks, with one large dance floor the centrepiece of the party. At the front of the dance floor lies a semi-circular stage with swivelling lights and huge speakers, blaring out what I guess must be called something like 'Jungle House' music. Whatever it was, it was very repetitive and most of us were left in a state of nostalgia for the awful top 40 music played week in, week out at most of Oxford's finest establishments. We bumped into some friends we'd met in Bangkok and seen again in Koh Phi Phi and spent the night dancing with them. One highlight was meeting a man with an 80's style 'fro and an Albert Einstein style 'tash who looked suspiciously like Borat, and yet had no idea who Borat was. Pete spent the night lifting up various girls onto his shoulders and nearly dropping them on the floor. 

The next day was spent in a similar way as the day before: chill and lie on the beach, play some pong and get ready for the night ahead. We'd bought our Full Moon 'outfits' on Koh Tao in anticipation of inflated prices on Phangan (an anticipation which turned out to be false) so we were all kitted out when we met with our friends for dinner at 'Chicken Corner' at 7 pm. We had a less than average dinner before getting our buckets (go to the ones which offer free paint too) and painting all sorts of obscenities on one another. Pete loved cock and I loved ladyboys while Charlotte had a pretty pattern on her face. I decided to follow suit and paint a pretty pattern for Pete, and the finished product was absolutely beautiful. Some even stopped Pete to ask how he got Van Gogh drawn on his face, and he told them that he'd had to pay a lot of Monet for it. 

I feared that the Full Moon Party would be one of those occasions which is hyped so much that it can't possibly live up to its name. Indeed, we'd been told by many that the Jungle Experience is actually better. However, for us, the Full Moon Party was fantastic. It's difficult to do it justice with a description but the Full Moon Party, which takes place on Haad Rin beach, has bars stretching from end to end playing all sorts of music and is looked over by 'Mushroom Mountain' at the far end of the beach. I imagine it's a bit like a Malia strip on the beach, only with a more diverse crowd and, accordingly, a different atmosphere. It is (I imagine - I've never been to Malia) a bit more grown up while retaining the madness and the fun which make beach parties so great. We danced the night away, Charlotte and I making it all the way through to sunrise, while Pete took a nap face down in the sand for an hour or two. When he refused to wake up, he was rewarded with a moonie, fitting for the occasion. Needless to say, his full moon was not as spectacular as that which had lit up the beach all night long. 

Bidding our farewells to our friends, we took a taxi back to our bungalow and got some sleep. A lazy day awaited us, once more filled with food and ping pong, although we woke up enough to make the twenty-minute taxi-ride into Haad Rin to watch Murray win the gold medal in the tennis final. It was a great end to a great weekend. The next day we would complete our cyclical tour of Thailand by returning to Bangkok. 

Recognising that the boat would be packed after the party, we made it to the port early and managed to get three seats in the air conditioned zone. The aisle became full of tired travellers, so we'd made a good decision, particularly as this ferry was four hours long. We slept little on the bus to Bangkok and were absolutely shattered when we arrived just before 5 am. Charlotte and I slept on the futons provided in the foyer of our hostel (NapPark - highly recommended) before we showered and walked through Bangkok's markets in a desperate search of shoes and jeans for me. That night we'd be going to the Sky Bar (featured in The Hangover 2) and the dress code was trousers and shoes; I had neither, having made the decision not to bring trousers and having left both pairs of shoes I brought with me in a bus earlier in the trip. Finding shoes which fitted me was no easy task, Thai people being somewhat smaller than I am, but eventually we did find some. I will be needing a shoe horn if I want to wear them at any point in the future, however.

The Sky Bar was extremely posh. Situated at the top of a very nice hotel, it has amazing views over Bangkok. While Pete and Charlotte viewed the city from the bar overhanging the edge of the building, I chose to observe from a comfortable distance back. I'd already tackled my fear of open water and sharks this trip, and that was enough; my fear of heights would have to remain for a while longer. We soaked in the views, and having decided not to pay £7 for a beer made our way back to our trustworthy Kao San Road for our last few Changs of the holiday. We managed to see Chris Hoy win his gold in the keirin which was nice, and went back to our hostel for some well earned sleep. 

The next day we bought a couple of last minute purchases from the Kao San markets before embarking on a very bumpy minibus journey to the airport. A smooth couple of flights home and 14 hours later we were at London Heathrow, happy to be home but already missing Thailand. We'd had a wonderful trip but it had to end sometime. Followers of the blog will be equally sad, I'm sure, that they won't have the regular witty updates to look forward to every few days, but you do get us home, and we can tell you all about it in the flesh. What more could you want?

Ben, Pete and Charlotte

Turtling in Koh Tao

Having spent seven nights on Koh Phi Phi, four more than we had anticipated, we thought we'd better move on. We were planning on being on Koh Phagnan for the Full Moon Party but had some time to spare before then, so we decided to go to the diver's paradise of Koh Tao. A ferry to Krabi, followed by a bus to Suratthani and then another ferry to Koh Tao meant that our journey was long. This was not helped by the fact that Pete had decided to empty his stomach first on the bus and then while waiting for the ferry to Tao. Fortunately, he seemed to have gotten rid of whatever it was that was bothering him by the time we arrived, but Charlotte and I nevertheless left him asleep in a cafe while we searched for somewhere to stay.

Our prospects looked bleak at first but eventually we found a nice beachfront hut which had become available that day. Tired and mildly ill, the air con and TV were very welcome, and we spent the day dipping in and out of the sea on the beach which stood no more than 10 metres from our place. The waves in Tao meant that the sea was somewhat more refreshing than that which we had grown accustomed to in Phi Phi, where the sea is a cool 30 degrees and where the shallows seemingly stretch for hundreds of metres before some deeper, colder water can be found.

Charlotte and I were feeling well and Pete, as ever, fancied pete-za, so we headed to an Italian restaurant for dinner. I risked having a couple of Changs and some pasta, which was an awful decision and I spent the night emptying my stomach in the bathroom and generally stopping the others from getting a good sleep. The diving we had booked for the next day all of a sudden seemed somewhat less appealing.

Nevertheless when we woke up Charlotte managed to book us on to a snorkelling trip and moved the diving back a day. Unfortunately, Pete had been suffering from earache as well as his upset stomach, and the doctor told him that he would not be able to dive. He wasn't even supposed to swim but we decided that he couldn't come to Koh Tao and not see the majestic marine life the island has to offer. While the island no longer lives up to its name - Koh Tao means 'Turtle Island' - since the turtles have gone away, the island still has all sorts of fish swimming on its shores, and even Leopard Sharks are spotted(!). Pete made the executive decision that jumping 20 feet off the top of the snorkelling boat was not included in the doctor's list of forbidden activities.

Our snorkelling tour involved shadowing a group of qualified divers, who were out for 'fun dives' on the island. We basically tagged along to their two dive sites and made the most of our limited view of the sea below, heading to shallower waters to make it easier for ourselves. While I found the experience at first daunting (my completely irrational fear of sharks and open water nagging on my mind) the others guided me around and we saw some really cool fish. I would love to tell you more about what we saw, but my limited knowledge of fish eliminates that possibility. I can tell you that we saw a Parrot fish (pictured), what looked like a toad fish (unofficial name there), an Angel fish (according to Pete) and what Charlotte described as an 'angry orange fish', among others. A quick google of 'Koh Tao fish' tells me that we also saw an Oriental Butterfly fish, a Bat fish, perhaps a Hump-head Parrot fish and also maybe a Giant Grouper. To the untrained eye it looked a lot like the cast of Finding Nemo.

Still feeling sketchy that evening, I opted for a rather bland tomato soup in a restaurant, while Pete and Charlotte were slightly more adventurous with their chicken sandwich and pesto pasta. We watched ESPN 5, which is always on in Thailand because it shows the table tennis and wrestling events from the Olympics. Table tennis is really funny - especially when they show it in slow motion. Brilliant.

The next day Charlotte and I had to abandon Pete while we went on our dive. The ride from the diving shop to the dive site on the other side of the island was quite scary; we sat, legs dangling perilously over the edge of the pick-up truck, clinging on for dear life as the truck struggled up hills as steep as black ski runs and then back down them. On the boat, the diving gear was explained to us by our instructor and we tried out some exercises underwater, such as how to clean your mask, how to find a lost mouthpiece and how to clear water out of your mouthpiece. Needless to say, we passed with flying colours. Our instructor decided we were ready for the real deal and this time took us on a half-hour dive, pointing at various sights underwater and drifting between the rocks like we ourselves were fish too. I absolutely loved it, and I think tackling my fears head on has probably resolved them. Probably. Anyway, we went for a second dive an hour or so later in a different place, which was great fun.

Having made our way back somehow alive after that frightful truck journey again, Charlotte and I found Pete, who was suffering from an upset tummy again. He opted out of the beachside BBQ we'd found for 100 baht (2 squid), probably a wise move given that our ferry for Koh Phagnan left the next morning.

Parties and poo poo on Phi Phi

Thai bus drivers don't tell you anything. Nothing at all. Our trip from Vang Vieng in Laos to Udon Thani in northern Thailand involved three different buses, all of which we were ushered into with no idea whether we would end up in Udon Thani or in an obscure village in Burma. Fortunately, we made it to Udon Thani with lots of time to spare. Our flight to Phuket left in the late afternoon; a short, two-hour journey with Air Asia.

With very little time in Phuket, we went out for a cheap dinner before getting a good night's sleep in our 'boutique chic' hostel (Ananas). I have no idea what 'boutique' or 'chic' actually mean but it was very nice and had a big screen film room so I'm sure it fit the description. We only had one night there and an early start to catch our ferry to Koh Phi Phi Don.

Like the bus journeys riddled with uncertainty, you can never really be sure that your transfer to anywhere will really pick you up. The language barrier means that things often get confused; Pete, for instance, is eating a 'cheese burger' with no beef as I write (if you're wondering, I sent mine back and am currently waiting for the cheese and beef burger's return).

The Chinese and Japanese tourists with an insatiable appetite for photographs made the ferry slightly less phiceful at the front of the boat, and I was particularly confused by a Japanese couple who were singing Auld Lang Syne while taking pictures. Nevertheless, as we approached the Phier it looked exactly as we'd hoped it would: turquoise seas, white sandy beaches and bars which would later come alive. Our hostel (Phuphaya Bungalows) was situated up a short steep hill, and when we reached the top we were sweating profusely. These were our first rooms without air con which wasn't great but we could deal with it. The sheets were a bit thin, but by this stage we all had thin sheets(!) so we'd grown accustomed to the feeling.

Nearly every day we sauntered down to the main beach by Tonsai village and bobbed up and down in the sea until sunset. Sometimes we read, other times we played ball. Pete and I headed the ball back and forth for hours (our record at the moment is 29 but we plan on improving that drastically). Becoming restless as Charlotte and I engrossed ourselves in our books, Pete made friends with some of the locals, learning how to spin bottle caps and playing keepy-uppy with them. Originally planning on staying just three nights, we took a fancy to this lethargic lifestyle and we ended up being there for seven, moving hostel to one without a big hill (but still without air con) for the last four nights, right in the heart of the village. 'Tonsai village' translates as 'tourist village' and says a lot about how the island has rebuilt itself since the tsunami which rocked the island in 2004. It caters for everything you need on your typical beach/party stay in PP.

The first couple of nights I was quite ill. We've all been a bit ill at some point in PP and it seems as if it's not a question of whether or not you are ill at all, just to what extent. However, while I was spending the majority of my time in the bathroom, the others were busy enjoying themselves. Pete stayed on the strip of bars by himself for the first night, fascinated by the fire shows which take place along the beach every night. They are very impressive to give them credit. Charlotte joined him for the second night, when a large rain storm hit the island. Pete managed to lose part of his phone while laying it out in the sand to dry. If he hasn't replied to you, that's why.

When I finally had some respite from my 'Thai tummy' I made sure I was alright, testing my tummy with a whiskey bucket (dubbed a 'risky bucket' if with ice by Pete) and a night out on the beach at Slinky's. We were amazed at people's confidence in others as one after another flung themselves from a 12-foot wooden platform and were caught by a group of people linking arms with their opposite number to form a soft landing. It was crazy.

The next day we went kayaking to 'Monkey Beach'. While we didn't spot any monkeys, the sand was the whitest sand any of us had ever seen - 'like ice cream' Pete said. Further, because the beach can only be reached by swimming or kayaking, it was blissfully empty. The sea was beautifully blue. Proper guide book stuff.

That night we didn't go out properly because we had a half-day snorkelling trip around the island booked for the next day. Instead, we had a quiet drink with some girls we'd met in Bangkok and had been out with the night before, then headed to 'Reggae Bar'. Inside, tourists are lured into a Thai boxing ring by the promise of a free whiskey bucket and forced to battle it out with each other, before a victor is chosen. While tempted, Pete and I chose to pay for the 'two for one' buckets (everything is on offer in PP all the time), Pete rejecting his new Thai fire-spinning friend's offer of a fight (rather wise given that he had spent two years in the Thai army), and sit back and watch others humiliate themselves. One particularly drunk Brit had everyone in raptures as he fell over the ropes into the ring and turned the fight into a 'who can punch someone the most in a minute' competition. A girl fight was spurred on by Pete's shouts of 'kick her in the womb!'

On our snorkelling trip we were ferried around in a 'long-tail' boat, stopping first at Maya Bay on Koh Phi Phi Leh, PP Don's younger brother, the setting for much of 'The Beach'. None of us have seen it but we're told it's the beach where Leonardo Di Caprio has sex. Great. It was very busy but one of those things you have to do in PP I guess. Charlotte and Pete started singing 'Maya Bay, Maya who, Maya ha ha' to the tune of that annoying Rihanna song they play in Wahoo all the time, and we saw an amusing flashy boat which had painted in big fancy writing 'Jame Bond' on the side. Thai translations aren't the best.

We then moved on to a snorkelling spot around the corner, which had fantastically clear water and thousands of fish. I had never seen most of them before, and any knowledge of those I had seen came solely from Finding Nemo. Disappointingly, none of the fish could speak like in the film, but it was a great experience nonetheless.

The boat then took us to another 'Monkey Beach', which this time had lots of monkeys on it. We were greeted by the alpha male of the group making love with one of the females. She was scared off by our boat, but he clearly wasn't finished, and decided to have a bash right there in front of everyone. Pete was nearly mauled as he tried to get a close up of some of the monkeys but Charlotte and I kept our distance as we threw the monkeys pieces of pineapple, having not had rabies jabs before our visit.

While Pete had being doing his best to eat all the Pad Thai PP had to offer, we did occasionally eat other things. Our favourite place was Cosmic Italian, (of which there are two, one nearer the pier which is cheaper than the other), which did great, cheap calzone and pete-za. The sign outside read 'not the best büt very nice'; it was nice enough for us. We went out together, collecting our buckets on the way to the beach. If you go to PP get a bucket from a stall outside the beach - they're weaker and more expensive inside. You'll need to find a back route in, however, since they try to stop you getting in through the main way. It's not hard to find an alternative entrance. Once again we spent the night admiring the fire shows before joining the crowds at Slinky's.

A typical hungover beach day was just what the doctor ordered the next day. In the evening, we went for dinner at Paddy's Place, where we ate great burgers and drank free shots before getting a bucket each and heading, once again, to the beach. Charlotte retired with illness while Pete and I continued with our buckets on the beach. We learnt from Pete's buddy the basics of fire spinning. Pete had grown suspiciously fond of his twentysomething Thai friend (who's name we never discovered) and kept Phiering at his washboard abs. He answered in the negative the man's questions of whether Pete was going out with Charlotte and then Pete asked the poor guy immediately after whether he had a girlfriend. Nothing would come of this potential flame, but Pete was certainly open to all eventualities. When we ran out of bucket to drink we decided to save ourselves money by partaking in the fire skipping show for free vodka (I have a bald patch of leg hair to prove it) and the fire limbo, on which Pete and I were both guilty of overestimating our abilities. He fell forward and grazed his knees while I burnt my shoulder trying to duck under the enflamed pole. Island a useful lesson.

Having never drunk whiskey like this before, we were all quite ill the next day. We didn't leave our room until four, when we chilled at the beach before climbing up to the PP sunset viewpoint. It was extremely high and quite a walk, but worth it when we got to the Phik. The views were breathtaking. We bumped into our friends we met in Bangkok there and went for dinner with them, partaking in our last bit of fire skipping before retiring to bed ahead of our early ferry the next morning. Next stop: Koh Tao.

A twenty hour bus journey - allaos that

This is a tale of two lovers in Laos,
A duo who's journeys linked up in a town.
She boarded the bus,
And with quite a fuss,
Squeezed in there for all twenty hours.

The boy oh he flirted and chattered away,
And right round his finger the girl was, his prey.
The journey was long,
Her eye on his dong,
The question was when would they lay?

The first night the pair oh they did play it cool,
Not rushing a thing, their hearts were so full.
They'd planted the seed;
What was meant to be,
Was surely inevitable.

The last night they knew that their time it was short;
Their journeys would soon separate: must cavort!
One first and last kiss,
He placed on her lips,
Farewell to the love fate had brought.

A tubious trip to Laos

Every year thousands of Brits travel to the small riverside town of Vang Vieng in Laos. Situated, well, in the middle of nowhere, where the cows are the size of dogs and the roads much worse than a rally track, it is an unlikely destination for most tourists. 

Why then, you might be thinking, do so many of us flock to such an unassuming, unlikely destination? There is one main reason: tubing. In case you don't know, tubing is floating down a river in a hired rubber ring, stopping at bars along the way, and doing jumps/slides if you feel the need to.

As is the case with many holiday destinations popular with Brits, the town had been transformed to suit our needs. Restaurants, all of which played Friends on repeat, offered very little Laos cuisine and instead advertised burgers and chips, chicken sandwiches and the like. Many of the restaurants simply used pictures from Macdonalds, removing the 'M' from any packaging beforehand. It was cheap and a bit tacky, but exactly what we expected. On our first evening, we ate in one of these identical restaurants before meeting some girls we'd met on the coach for drinks. Pete, who had been sharing what was essentially one and a half seats with one of them for twelve hours, neither able to sleep as they were squashed together by luggage, had already spilled the beans on me and Charlotte, so it felt like we knew them fairly well already. 

Tubing has gathered a reputation for being rather dangerous over the last few years, and we were slightly tubious about the next day when we awoke. Nevertheless we were excited, and by mid afternoon we were sipping away on the first of many whiskey buckets in the first bar of the riverside strip. We made our way to the second and third bars, boarding a 'whiskey train' on the way (choobe choobe!) and becoming covered in writing. Pete, apparently, loved Mexico, while the girls supposedly loved vagina. In the third bar it poured with rain, and a mass football game broke out on an improvised sandy football pitch. I'd found a broom somewhere and was trying out a football/quidditch hybrid game. It didn't work and Pete's coach buddy broke the broom when she attempted to fly. 

The bars along the river aren't evenly spaced apart, as I thought they would be. There are bars all along, but they seem to open interchangeably and when we were there there was a big gap between the first four bars and the rest. We left the first bunch of bars quite a while after the sun had disappeared behind the mountains which aligned the river; we'd massively underestimated how long it would take to tube back to town. Floating along in the pitch black, we decided eventually that we were completely lost and clambered out the river at a random accessible bank. After a brief argument with a tuk-tuk driver (and chants of 'drive, drive, drive') we made our way back to town to get ready for the night ahead. 

The nightlife of Vang Vieng has seemingly been monopolised by one bar. It has a similarly imaginative name to 'The Club' in Bangkok and is called 'Bucket Bar' where, unsurprisingly, you can buy buckets. It has an outside dancing area surrounded by open-sided shacks where people sit on cushions. A bucket of whiskey, lemonade and red bull (which, rumour has it, contains speed over here) costs 30,000 kip (£2.50) which is pretty damn good. We drank the night away before some much needed sleep.

Damaged but not broken from the night before, in the morning we needed some food. Despite having been in SE Asia for a couple of weeks, the thought of curry for breakfast still didn't appeal to us. We had some chicken sandwiches (for about the fifth time since we arrived) and regained some energy before returning to the river. We were less tubious this time, weathered by our experience the day before. Today we had a different plan: spend a bit less time at the first few bars then do the marathon all the way back down the river before dark. We got a few buckets in us, and I bumped into a friend from home (which rather took me by surprise) then did the long journey. 

Perhaps now is a good time to point out that Vang Vieng isn't just renowned because of tubing. True, tubing is its main attraction, but the steep mountains which surround the town really are quite impressive and the view from the tube on the way down the river was unlike anything I'd seen before. The view from our hostel room (Popular View Guesthouse) was nearly equally as stunning. At £3 a night we did have to put up with two pet lizards in our room, sandy sheets and a pooey bathroom (not helped by me and my nigh on uncontrollable bowels - though Pete wasn't much better), but the view was worth it.

We ate in a restaurant right next to our hostel. Charlotte and I had an Indian style curry (our red curry request had been lost in translation), having politely refused the obviously high waiter's offer of a 'special menu' (meals laced with narcotics). Pete had chicken with rice twice, finishing a friend's unwanted meal. Our nighttime drinking spot was once again Bucket Bar, where it poured with rain all night. We spent the whole time sitting with our buckets instead of on the exposed dancefloor, though we couldn't help but get wet on unavoidable dashes to the bar or to the toilet. 

Normally not much else happens in a night after the bars and clubs are done with. The same can't really be said when Pete is around - in Bangkok Charlotte and I found him dancing in the rain with a bunch of people we'd never met (see first blog). Here, his blossoming romance with his seat buddy from the coach took a turn for the worse when she became frustrated with his deep sleep and decided that a Thai massage style, 4am alarm clock was necessary. I awoke abruptly when the light was turned on, to shouts of 'Pete! Wake up!' and the constant noise of slapping. Unperturbed, Pete continued his sleep. When she left the room I locked the door only to be awoken five minutes later by incessant banging (on the front door, not from Pete's bed, unfortunately for him). Charlotte let her in and at last we all slept peacefully. Finally we could get some kip.

We'd been fairly used to being busy on our travels, but the next day was not one of those days. Two days of tubing had taken their toll, and we did very little but sort out our plans for the next few days and have something to eat. We'd survived the tubing experience *queue big sigh of relief from mum*. Next we'd be getting a bus to Udon Thani in Thailand, before flying to Phuket to begin our tour of Thailand's southern islands.

Elephantastic

Thailand's second major city, Chiang Mai, was our next destination. When we woke up on Friday we had a two-hour bus journey from Kanchanaburi to Bangkok and a 15-hour sleeper train to Chiang Mai to look forward to.

Our bus didn't leave 'til late afternoon, so we strolled down to the Death Railway Bridge in Kanchanaburi while we waited. It was extremely hot and were it not for the air-conditioned oasis that is 7-11 - Thailand's equivalent of Costcutter which is seemingly everywhere we go - we might have been the first victims of the Death Railway Bridge for about 70 years. The Bridge isn't much to look at; an iron monstrosity joining two pieces of land divided by a river. However, it was built by Allied prisoners of war when Japan was using Thailand as a base for its empirical ambitions in WW2, and some 100,000 people died building it, so we thought we'd better go have a look. Unfortunately I forgot to apply sun cream for the walk there and ended up with some attractive but very uneven 'beater 'tan lines'.

We then chilled by the hotel pool for a while, Charlotte making us laugh when she told us that a penguin dive was a pencil dive with your hands sticking out at right angles. When we informed her that in reality it is a normal dive with no arms, she understood why we found them scary. 

The bus journey was our first real taste of Thai driving. The driver between Bangkok and Kanchanaburi had been relatively calm in comparison with our driver here, who drove like Evil Knieval on speed, weaving in and out of traffic with no regard for the lanes or other slower drivers (who were actually going a normal pace). Needless to say I didn't get any sleep on this leg of the journey.

We hoped that the train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai would be a little smoother so that we could get some sleep. This was optimistic at best. Whether in the bussling city of Bangkok, the passport lounge of Suvarnabhumi Airport or in the front of speeding minibuses, Thai people seem to have a knack of being able to sleep at any possible opportunity. The same could not be said for us. Sleep was made near impossible by the screaming kids, snoring Thai's and bumpy track. Charlotte and Pete somehow managed to overcome these disturbances but I was awake with nothing but a little light, a book and a bag of Cheetos for company well into the early hours of the morning. 

The train, which was supposed to arrive in Chiang Mai at 12:45, pulled in at around four; Thai people also like to be late, but I won't go into that (for fear of some time in the notoriously savage Thai prison system). We found our hostel (MD House) which was like a basic hotel before satisfying our hunger with a great meal at Lert Ross - a tiny rustic cafe/restaurant serving traditional Northern Thai food. Then we went to the Rooftop Bar (pretty self-explanatory, though not as swanky as it sounds) for a few Changs and made some Dutch and American friends. We followed them in a couple of tuk-tuks to what we thought was a club, but discovered that we'd been taken instead to some kind of strip club. After our ordeal in Patpong we didn't really fancy it so we took another tuk-tuk back to the hostel, managing to avoid the 50 baht fare to the club - the driver was helpless to protect himself from Pete's sweet-talk. 

Travelling around Thailand is quite different from travelling around Europe, where there is so much to see and do that a free day is hard to come by. Furthermore, it felt like we'd been doing a lot of travelling and not much relaxing, so we hadn't planned anything in particular for the next day. We slept in before exploring the old city by foot, eating a basic Thai lunch and dropping into a few temples. It was great to explore and soak up the city - Chiang Mai has a chilled out, hippie vibe.

All that walking made us quite hot and tired, so our room's air conditioning was greatly appreciated for a couple of hours before dinner. We went to a smart Thai place called Hot Chilli for dinner, which was really nice. When we emerged, full and satisfied, the city streets had been transformed by the buzzing Sunday night market which takes over the streets every week. I was unable to resist some of the cheap things on offer, such as a 'silk' tie with elephants on it, some almost luminous candy floss and some slimy edamame beans (which were later thrown away). Pete, desperate to try some Thai pineapple ('my mum said it's really nice') accidentally ended up ordering a pineapple iced drink, which he also had to throw in the bin. We really enjoyed the night market, despite disposing of many of our purchases.

By ten AM the next day we were at an elephant camp in Maewang, an hour or so north of Chiang Mai. We climbed up some steps onto a platform, which the elephants came and stood next to in order for us to climb on. Fortunately, each elephant had seats for two people sitting next to each other. I think otherwise we would have fallen off. I went with Charlotte and our elephant, who was a bit cheeky, needed a trainer on at all times (though he seemed to spend most of the time on the phone - another questionable Thai driver). Once our elephant climbed up the side of a small valley to get some plants to eat, which was petrifying, and later he decided that our trek was actually a race which he wanted to win, which was perhaps even scarier. Pete went ahead with a guy we met, who was similarly tall, on the biggest and oldest elephant in the camp. We all absolutely loved it, scary as it was.

We walked for an hour through the paddy fields with our group to a waterfall nearby where we did some jumping and swimming. Pete and I nearly lost our boxers, which the current was keen to keep for itself, having forgotten our swimming gear. The cold water was very welcome; I was drenched in sweat by the time we got there. We ate a very basic Thai lunch, where we were outnumbered by about ten to one by wasps, before going bamboo rafting down the river. One of the group, who decided to commandeer Pete's raft, crashed it into a wall, which caused a collision. I was left with minor injuries - war wounds, nothing but a souvenir of the trip.

Having had nothing but Thai food for over a week, we found a recommended Indian restaurant in which to have dinner with some of the people we met on the elephant trek. The portions were far more normal compared with Thai ones, which did little to satisfy our hunger (though lined the stomach adequately for a night of Chang). We then went to an area which had the most activity (by Zoe's Bar if you're interested) for a few drinks before heading back to the room for some sleep.

The next day we would travel to Vang Vieng in Laos to go tubing, but that wasn't until the evening. The night before, after a few Changs (and some encouragement from our new buddies) we'd booked ourselves on a half-day Thai cooking course nearby. It didn't seem like such a good idea when we woke up at 8:45 but turned out to be really fun. Our instructor, who looked about ten, was the most difficult subject of the Him or Her game we've ever come across, but she(?) (Ouiyy or something) was very sweet. We learnt how to cook four different courses: soup, curry, noodles and appetisers. We all plan to show off our skills back in England, so we'll have to stuff our suitcases with ingredients like kaffir lime leaves and palm sugar to ensure it's up to scratch. Sorry if you don't get a present.

Whiskey, waterfalls and wildlife

Our next stop was a town to the north-west of Bangkok called Kanchanaburi. We arrived there after a couple of hours in a minibus ready for a more relaxed vibe after the busy intensity of Bangkok. Fortunately, our hostel had a swimming pool, which was our first port of call when we checked in. 

Having not eaten all day, we headed out for an early dinner. Choosing where to go for dinner in Thailand is quite difficult because there is so much choice, a particularly challenging problem for the indecisive Charlotte. Furthermore, most of the restaurants serve pretty much the same dishes, just with a varying quality. When we finally decided we ordered beers and I had a chicken panang, my favourite curry. Pete had a small plate of noodles but resisted double dinner, perturbed by the slightly higher prices in Kanchanaburi. Charlotte eventually chose a lovely fragrant noodle soup type dish.  

A Jamaican bar, confusingly named Buddha Bar, would do to continue the drinking. The enthusiastic  wannabe Bob Marley Thai owner was great and he served cheap beers. The price of a bar was by this stage judged by the price of a large Chang beer. If it had Singha that was even better. His was 65 baht (~£1.30) so that was perfect.

It wasn't, however, as cheap as the next bar. We spent the rest of the night at a bar - a shack - which was simply called 'Get Drunk For 10 Baht'. 10 baht = 20p, so you can see what attracted us here. We drank whiskey and coke 'til we could have no more and stumbled back to the hostel. 

The main reason we visited Kanchanaburi was not, as you might think, for the great food or the cheap drinks. It was that the town of Kanchanaburi lives not too far from Erawan National Park. Here, after a rickety ride in an old Thai bus, we climbed five tiers of waterfalls, swimming in each along the way. It was perfect but for one thing - little nibbley fish, the type people pay to have their feet eaten by (for some reason) in the UK. Maybe these were a little bigger. While some were cashing in on what they saw as a free spa treatment, we didn't share their enthusiasm and just kept moving so they wouldn't get us. Pete was the worst, screaming like a girl every time one came near him. I'd had a bad experience with a nibbling fish in the past (it bit my nipple) so I wasn't too much better. 

Since the waterfalls were in a national park, there was plenty of other wildlife around. Particularly memorable were the monkeys, especially the baby ones. Charlotte fell in love with them immediately but we wouldn't let her bring any of them back to our hostel with us.

We nearly missed the last bus back to Kanchanaburi. However, we made it home in the pouring rain (it was monsoon season in Thailand) after a ride in the back of a vehicle which surely was at one point used only for transporting small animals. We decided to avoid the apparently average hostel restaurant and brave the rain, going to a restaurant run by a charming but bossy Thai woman called Apple. We shared three Thai dishes, having been told off for trying to order two of the same dish. Charlotte was told off once more for mixing the curry and rice wrong (served separately in Thailand), of which I have a brilliant photo. Pete looks petrified. The food was very very nice, however, and well worth the stern lesson in the dining etiquette of Thailand.  The rest of the night was quite quiet, me and Charlotte sharing a shisha pipe and Pete twice thrashing us at pool. We were tired from our day at the 'falls and it was still raining so we made our way back to the hostel by midnight for some well-earned shut eye.